The Toddler Contract
FOOD
1.For breakfast, there will be only milk from my sippy cup while I am watching television (see section 2).
2. From breakfast until what you probably call lunch, I will be provided with an unending supply of cookies. No arguments.
3. For lunch I will eat yogurt. Anything containing fruit on the bottom will make me pick out the fruit and throw it on the ground or else throw it up on your carpet.
a. So no fruit on the bottom.
4. From lunch until dinner I will enjoy having something to lick. Why not a lollipop? Why not seven?
a. Between licks, I may place the lollipop on your grandmother's Turkish rug. This will be okay by you.
5. For dinner I will have macaroni and cheese. Any attempts to give me vegetables in addition to the macaroni and cheese will result in tears.
a. And don't you dare hide anything in the cheese sauce, because, my God, how you will rue the day!!!
6. After dinner, you may provide me with ice cream.
a. No frozen yogurt. Trust me, I know the difference.
TELEVISION
1. The TV will be on all the time, unless I say differently. You are to sit by my side, quietly, hands folded in lap, while I watch my shows.
a. You may arise to fetch me snacks.
2. No diaper changing or pleas to engage in physical activity will be tolerated during the watching of TV.
3. Turning off the TV will result in much kicking and screaming.
TOYS
1. There will be many.
a. They will be strewn about the house so that I may simply reach down and pick up a toy no matter where I am.
b. They will be loud, complicated and contain many small pieces. I enjoy shooting noises that go w-shoooop or zim zim zim.
c. Nothing that results in any type of learning, please.
FRIENDS
1. They should be available whenever I'm in the mood to use someone else's toys or ingest someone else's cookies.
a.These friends may not ever so much as look at my toys or cookie supply.
b. Ever, ever, ever.
SLEEP
1. Is when I say, where I say and how I say. If I want to sleep upside down with my legs locked around your neck, then that is how it will be.
a. And you will enjoy it.
AFFECTION
1. Occasionally I enjoy being hugged and kissed. I stress occasionally!
2. I will not be pelted with wet-mouthed assaults on an hourly basis. Should you feel the need to hug or kiss, you must provide me with a written request.
a. And then wait for me to offer my pudgy cheeks.
(Found in Parents Magazine - From Sleep is for the Weak, edited by Rita Arens written by Alice Bradley)
I read this and chuckled to myself just about every line. This is Ella to a tee! Say it ain't so....but it is - every single line.......Ahhh toddlers.... Gotta love them.....
1.For breakfast, there will be only milk from my sippy cup while I am watching television (see section 2).
2. From breakfast until what you probably call lunch, I will be provided with an unending supply of cookies. No arguments.
3. For lunch I will eat yogurt. Anything containing fruit on the bottom will make me pick out the fruit and throw it on the ground or else throw it up on your carpet.
a. So no fruit on the bottom.
4. From lunch until dinner I will enjoy having something to lick. Why not a lollipop? Why not seven?
a. Between licks, I may place the lollipop on your grandmother's Turkish rug. This will be okay by you.
5. For dinner I will have macaroni and cheese. Any attempts to give me vegetables in addition to the macaroni and cheese will result in tears.
a. And don't you dare hide anything in the cheese sauce, because, my God, how you will rue the day!!!
6. After dinner, you may provide me with ice cream.
a. No frozen yogurt. Trust me, I know the difference.
TELEVISION
1. The TV will be on all the time, unless I say differently. You are to sit by my side, quietly, hands folded in lap, while I watch my shows.
a. You may arise to fetch me snacks.
2. No diaper changing or pleas to engage in physical activity will be tolerated during the watching of TV.
3. Turning off the TV will result in much kicking and screaming.
TOYS
1. There will be many.
a. They will be strewn about the house so that I may simply reach down and pick up a toy no matter where I am.
b. They will be loud, complicated and contain many small pieces. I enjoy shooting noises that go w-shoooop or zim zim zim.
c. Nothing that results in any type of learning, please.
FRIENDS
1. They should be available whenever I'm in the mood to use someone else's toys or ingest someone else's cookies.
a.These friends may not ever so much as look at my toys or cookie supply.
b. Ever, ever, ever.
SLEEP
1. Is when I say, where I say and how I say. If I want to sleep upside down with my legs locked around your neck, then that is how it will be.
a. And you will enjoy it.
AFFECTION
1. Occasionally I enjoy being hugged and kissed. I stress occasionally!
2. I will not be pelted with wet-mouthed assaults on an hourly basis. Should you feel the need to hug or kiss, you must provide me with a written request.
a. And then wait for me to offer my pudgy cheeks.
(Found in Parents Magazine - From Sleep is for the Weak, edited by Rita Arens written by Alice Bradley)
I read this and chuckled to myself just about every line. This is Ella to a tee! Say it ain't so....but it is - every single line.......Ahhh toddlers.... Gotta love them.....
No comments:
Post a Comment